Couples in a group - Painful
So here I am sitting in all my finery and feeling.. disgruntled. Simply because I dolled up for a fun evening out, but got sent home before 11. Cinderella, at least, got to stay out till 12. "But what did you expect?" X asked. To be fair to X, I was invited (in that I had a choice to not go). And after ascertaining that I wouldn't be the only Other Half spoiling the party, and that I didn't have alternative plans anyway, I decided to go.
We were at his friend's birthday dinner, and while the food was one of the best I've ever tried in Singapore, it really wasn't as fun as I would've wished. But really, what did I expect - I barely knew his friends' girlfriends/wives. There was decent conversation with one of them, but I was still slightly bored the other 80% of the time. We pretty much just sat around while the boys did their bonding. After the dinner, the men adjourned to some bar at Mandarin Oriental, and the women (or at least I, and one of the pregnant wives) retired early for the night.
I've never felt more like a social escort. Dolled up to be paraded around, only to be unceremoniously dismissed when I wasn't needed anymore.
I would've liked to be part of the fun too.
Except that it wouldn't be proper, and except that these aren't my friends. I would have to be well-behaved.
But let's flip the situation around, and recount a situation where X was with me and my friends - he was similarly quiet, and as comfortable as a fish out of water. Feeling out-of-place because we were at a karaoke joint imbibing alcohol and butchering Top 40s hits, and he was more used to treating Karaoke as a serious endeavour.
Even with a group of mutual friends, it seems awkward to be a couple in front of people who know you. It's like your role has suddenly changed. How can one meld different roles of Gutsy Sister and Subservient Girlfriend such that it is consistent and does not seem awkward? In one role, I could be potty-mouthed with my mind in the gutter, cracking bawdy jokes that have others in stitches, but this just wouldn't do as a girlfriend - it would be wrong and unclassy. In X's case, I find it difficult to reconcile the raucous, Hokkien spewing ruffian with that cultured, thoughtful person I've spent the last three years with; I even find it slightly gross.
It is so difficult for a couple to function comfortably in a group. Especially if their preferred activities are diverse. If you could construct a Venn diagram depicting the activities and hobbies/interests that X's friends and my friends had, you would get two separate circles which do not meet. I swear, the only reason why I put up with this is because it's unhealthy to exist in a world where there's just the two of you.
We were at his friend's birthday dinner, and while the food was one of the best I've ever tried in Singapore, it really wasn't as fun as I would've wished. But really, what did I expect - I barely knew his friends' girlfriends/wives. There was decent conversation with one of them, but I was still slightly bored the other 80% of the time. We pretty much just sat around while the boys did their bonding. After the dinner, the men adjourned to some bar at Mandarin Oriental, and the women (or at least I, and one of the pregnant wives) retired early for the night.
I've never felt more like a social escort. Dolled up to be paraded around, only to be unceremoniously dismissed when I wasn't needed anymore.
I would've liked to be part of the fun too.
Except that it wouldn't be proper, and except that these aren't my friends. I would have to be well-behaved.
But let's flip the situation around, and recount a situation where X was with me and my friends - he was similarly quiet, and as comfortable as a fish out of water. Feeling out-of-place because we were at a karaoke joint imbibing alcohol and butchering Top 40s hits, and he was more used to treating Karaoke as a serious endeavour.
Even with a group of mutual friends, it seems awkward to be a couple in front of people who know you. It's like your role has suddenly changed. How can one meld different roles of Gutsy Sister and Subservient Girlfriend such that it is consistent and does not seem awkward? In one role, I could be potty-mouthed with my mind in the gutter, cracking bawdy jokes that have others in stitches, but this just wouldn't do as a girlfriend - it would be wrong and unclassy. In X's case, I find it difficult to reconcile the raucous, Hokkien spewing ruffian with that cultured, thoughtful person I've spent the last three years with; I even find it slightly gross.
It is so difficult for a couple to function comfortably in a group. Especially if their preferred activities are diverse. If you could construct a Venn diagram depicting the activities and hobbies/interests that X's friends and my friends had, you would get two separate circles which do not meet. I swear, the only reason why I put up with this is because it's unhealthy to exist in a world where there's just the two of you.
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